Yes, if you are a prostrate cancer survivor (as I am ), this book should be on the top of your "must read" list. It has virtually all the information you need to "re-establish" the intimacy that prostrate cancer has placed on hold.

But "The Lovin' Ain't Over" has more to offer. This book is a "key" to opening a dialogue between loved ones. It is for anyone (best read by both men and women together) who wish to rekindle the "fire" of youth, to capture and hold again the true meaning of love. True, not necessarily in the same way as before, but certainly (and for me and my wife) a new intimacy -- "better than ever".

Any couple who wishes to grow in this important and essential aspect of their relationship can find something enriching in this book.

Errectile dysfunction, or E.D. as referred to in tv ads, is a condition many men experience as they age. It is also often a side effect of surgical or radiation treatment of prostate cancer, something one in five men will likely experience. It can also be related to diabetes or heart conditions.

Even though help is available, many men feel too self-conscious to do anything about or even discuss it with their doctor. They see the loss of their "manhood", an embarrassing and private matter. It needn't be and help is available.

Ralph Alterowitz developed prostate cancer. After surgery he, like I have done in previous columns, talked about it openly with individuals and to groups. He and his wife Barbara found that people most needed to discuss the effect of prostate cancer on their sexuality. Their book, The Lovin' Ain't Over, published in 1999, serves two very important functions.

The first part shows that sexuality is not just about intercourse or orgasm. This may be a radical idea for some men, since from adolescence on, most men thought and were taught sex was only about those. The Alterowitz's focus on intimacy, both emotional and physical. They focus on the fact that all of our body has sensitive and pleasurable responses. They share enjoyable ways of touching and pleasuring, not just those we generally associate as being sexual. Their three key words for romantic and sexual health are: communicate, communicate, communicate. They outline various ways of courting and showing affection, that don't need to end in intercourse. They point out that men can still experience arousal and sexual enjoyment, despite the effects of surgery or other illnesses on their sexual response. It may be different, both in experience and intensity, but it is still there if they learn to recognize, adapt to and enjoy it.

They stress that sexual function is related to more to humanness and love between partners, than to a man's ability to have an erection or to climax.

In many ways their ideas on sexuality and communication parallel and complement the excellent book, Sex Is A Thirteen Letter Word published in 1995 by Bill and Carolyn Chernenkoff, sexual therapists in Saskatoon.

The second part of The Lovin' Ain't Over, outlines various options for coping with errectile dysfunction, including medications like Viagara, vacuum pumps and injections. Many new options, both with respect to surgical techniques and new medications are currently being developed. The authors are careful to point out the side effects and risk of various forms of treatment, being careful not to endorse any themselves. They stress that men need to consult their physician, as all the treatments, including vacuum pumps, require a doctor's prescription.

Many of the mediations they discussed in their 1999 edition were not available yet, but were at different stages of the required testing and clinical trials required before release. Because of this, the Alterowitz's are currently working on an updated edition of their book, which I look forward to seeing.

They don't take complete credit for the book. They researched their topic well. They talked and interviewed many couples about their sexual adjustments. They consulted researchers and pharmaceutical companies for accurate information. They even include a feedback sheet for readers to send in. I have talked with Ralph by phone and am impressed with the couple's desire to help men find ways to deal creatively and effectively with the subject that is just becoming okay to talk or write about.